Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
