i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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