I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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