i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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