I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
