that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
