Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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