sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
