I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
