Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize