did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
