I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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