I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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