please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize