His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
