it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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