Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
