She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
