Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
