I cockslap morals
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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