Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
