i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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