the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
