i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize