The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
