he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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