I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
