how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
