K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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