I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
