The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
