Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
