I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He felt like a one man threesome
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Randomize
