I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
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Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize