yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize