woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
