just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
