for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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