u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
