I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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