I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
