Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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