we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
