Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
