this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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