i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
