a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
