I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
