thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
