i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
