dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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