Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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