I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
