i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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