Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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