went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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