Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
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I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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