Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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