Cold hands, warm shart.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
