i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize