There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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