You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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