no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize