Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my shit smells like andre
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
