hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
