sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
