well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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