ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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