grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
